Here at Moments, we believe that sex should be about pleasure. Your pleasure. Which is why we’ve invited Australia’s leading Sexologist Isiah McKimmie to share her tips on pleasure, dating and having epic orgasms.
I adore my hairdresser. At every appointment he has 3 very important questions for me.
How are you?
How’s your sex life?
Are you having great orgasms?
If only we could all talk about sex as openly as this. Sex is a part of life, but that doesn’t mean it comes naturally (pardon the pun). Sex is a skill we learn, but most of us get a pretty rubbish education around it. The sex ed we get in school focuses on biology, contraception and safer sex, but is missing important topics like consent, pleasure and having epic orgasms.
As a Sexologist and Sex Therapist, these are the topics that I love sharing on.
Because sex should be about your pleasure too.
Let’s start with some important facts on orgasm.
• 30% of women struggle to reach orgasm on a regular basis
• 10% of sexually active women (that’s 1 in 10 of us) have never had an orgasm at all
• In casual sexual encounters heterosexual women are only half as likely to reach orgasm than their male partner.
Sex doesn’t need to end in orgasm for it to be worthwhile. But it can be frustrating (or even feel embarrassing) when you want to reach orgasm and can’t.
If you’ve never experienced orgasm – by yourself or with someone else, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Just think of having an orgasm as a skill you haven’t learned yet.
Here’s 3 proven ways that you can increase the chance that you’ll reach orgasm the next time you feel the desire to.
(These tips are for women. Men and non-binary folks, I realise you can struggle to orgasm too, but that’s for a different article.)
1. Spend 20 minutes in foreplay. At least.
Not spending enough time in foreplay is the most common reason women don’t reach orgasm.
Women’s bodies go through complex changes in order to prepare for sex. These changes take 15-20 minutes. Pornography might show women always ready for sex, but that’s not actually how our bodies work.
Foreplay increases our pleasure and chance of reaching orgasm and it reduces the likelihood of us feeling pain during sex.
If that feels like a long time to you, we need to talk about ways to make sex and foreplay fun – because it is (or it can be).
Forget the pressure or expectation that you should be ‘ready’ faster than that or that you should be ready because your partner is. Men will actually get more enjoyment and pleasure when they spend longer in foreplay too.
Relax, take your time and enjoy yourself.
2. Try these 3 sexy moves
There are 3 proven moves that, when included in foreplay, increase your chance of orgasm even more.
These sexy moves are deep kissing, genital touch and oral sex.
Be sure to include them in your next sexual encounter to sky rocket your pleasure.
3. Include direct clitoral stimulation
The idea that women should reach orgasm through penetration sex is a total myth.
Only about 30% of women orgasm that way. Many of us need direct clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm.
Introducing clit stimulation (like through hands or a toy) during penetration intercourse drastically increases your chance or reaching the big O.
Get your partner to give your clit some extra attention.
Use your own hands – by being on top and taking care of it yourself.
Use a clit or bullet vibe to help take you over the edge.
Also read our other blog Delay Climaxing using Condoms